SwirlsOnline Blog

A week ago, I had two parties to go to, and you can never go to a party empty handed, right? So through a strange and round about text conversation I had with one of the hostesses of the parties, it came about that I would make mini egg rolls for her.

The history of the only party food that I make is this:

I had a class in 8th grade where we all had to bring in food from our cultural heritage and share it with the class. In my 8th grade brain, I thought ‘fried rice’ immediately. And I would request that my dad make it. Diabolical, I know (can you guess the heritage?). Again through conversation and whatnot, it came about that I would make egg rolls instead and this without my dad. Don’t ask me how that happened, parents are a tricky race. Granted, my dad did teach me how to do it, and helped me with the slightly messy rolling of the wrapper part. Mom helped me fry the rolls with as little oil burning and splattering as possible. In the end, the egg rolls were a big hit and added to my short short list of foods that I choose to cook.

So years later, my roommate at the time and I decided to resurrect the egg rolls for a different party, and now it’s all I do.

Of course, two parties and family…that’s a lot of egg rolls.

Step 1. Buy supplies

Step 2. Marinate meat and make super secret sauce (I used a free recipe from the internet).

Step 3. Chop like a mad beast

Step 4. Cook meat and Stir Fry with veggies

Step 5 and 6. Do Step 4 three times because your wok is too small to handle the load. Sweet!

Step 7. Wait a day because it took so long to do Steps 1-6. Then proceed to roll mini wrappers (suspiciously looking like pre-made won ton wrappers) into cute little mini egg rolls.

Step 8. Show picture of 154 mini egg rolls before they are fried because 1. it looks cool, and 2. you were too silly to remember to take a final picture of completed egg rolls. Yeah, sorry about that. In the end, I had more innards left, so I got more wrappers and made another 54 mini egg rolls for the family to share. All told, I made 208 rolls. And not one was left over!

Yeah, that’s right, you heard me. That roller coaster, you know, the one that is the tallest fastest, nastiest ride in the world? Well, I almost expired on the spot when I saw it go tossing people around like rag dolls, but I did indeed force myself to go on that ride this past week. I went to Six Flags with family and friends, and they are all gluttons for punishment…yes you are. They love roller coasters and what can you do when you are with those that love? You have to go on the rides too.

I don’t really remember much because I think I blacked out as soon as I sat in the torture seat. Ok, so I am exaggerating. I didn’t black out, though I claim that I was in shock before, during, and after the ride and that’s how I survived. You know the high squealing freaks that go on rides and you want to slap them to shut them up? That’s me. On every roller coaster. It is my coping mechanism. Blame my grandmother who told me as a young child that if I was afraid, I should scream, and I wouldn’t feel so scared. It’s true, by the way.

Actually, after I managed to blank out the memory of crashing to the ground at unfathomable speeds, the rest of the roller coasters were fun, and I didn’t scream on them. But that’s just because I left my brain and my vocal chords somewhere 456 feet in the air, never to be seen again.

My favorite ride was Nitro. Lots of really big hills, but no fear of imminent death. And El Toro was great too, wooden, but also no fear of imminent death by car flying off of crickety wooden track. It’s a new wooden coaster that is much more secure. Um, as secure as a person can be flying around in a little metal tin can on a track that only physics can explain. I can’t fully describe my fear. However, to those of you who don’t know me, you would be shocked that I went on Kingda Ka at all. 

I am mightily pleased with myself for doing it once. I can’t say as I would do it again, but who knows?

Then you need a string for your finger.

A friend of mine recently asked if I could make a ring that looks like a piece of string that is tied into a bow. There were some issues figuring out how to get that to work, but after a few tries, I managed to get something. I personally like option 2, but who knows?

Option 1

Option 2

And for a size comparison…

You know what amuses me today? People who are reading Harry Potter and taking the oh-so-bright orange cover off of it to hide it. I have so far seen at least 6 people reading the last book of the series and trying to look like they aren’t being caught reading a children’s book. Now I could be projecting my perception on them… Maybe they find the cover to be irritating and don’t want to walk around with it on. Who knows?

Overall though, my props goes to those who read it proudly with oh-so-bright orange flaring in the open. This includes the man on the train this morning who left the cover on. The list of people who are intellectuals reading some unknown dusty book that must be a classic since it is sans dustcover include: Young lady walking through drug store clutching said classic tightly to her to hide the title, middle-aged gentleman on train holding book on lap so no one sees the outside (note to him, I sat next to you on the train and could clearly see the specific kiddy font that is on the top of every single page–good try though), business suit man x 2 walking quickly through the streets looking busy. Busy trying to find a place read? Perhaps. The remaining 2 people did not catch my full attention as I passed them on the street, I just noticed the coverless book as I rushed to work.

Let’s just admit it, people should accept that children’s books can be good reading. I also enjoyed the James Patterson - Maximum Ride trilogy. Sure, it’s a little preachy at the end, but kids that can fly? I say, fantastic.

So the moral of the story is this: Harry Potter - Book 7 sold the most copies in one night of any book in one night (or something like that). Which means? We know you are reading it.